I love science fiction (speculative fiction, science fantasy, whatever.) because of the open canvas of possibilities it presents. I love reading it. I love writing it. I do not, and let me be clear about this being a discrete distinction, love researching the science behind it. Specifically the math part. I love physics and all the magic therein, but the math makes my head hurt every time. Damn you, dyscalculia. Quantum Mechanics just makes me cry, though.
A Message for the new year
Happy New Year, faithful blog readers and friends.
2012 was the year my world ended, in a manner of speaking, of course. I was further laid low by my ailing health, and I’m often bed ridden for days at a time now because of the bronchitis, the fatigue, the GI issues, and the deer in the headlights dread borne from a crippling bout of depression that started when I stopped going outside my house in 2008. I lost my job, (a dream job by any measure) in 2010, but it was really in 2012 that it hit home. I lost my faith in universal karma when the Tsunami and Earthquakes of 2011 hit Tohoku, though that took time too, to truly fester into the wart blossom it has become. I formally closed up my art business this year—my hands shake too much now to even do anything on a computer without a Charles Schultz look, to be crude.
And yet. I’m almost down with novel #2 ‘s first draft, the TAN project. I’m combing Novel #1 in the editing room, and preparing the query letter. Novel 2.5, the sequel to the N1, is percolating in my brain pan. I’ve started a new short fiction story. Most importantly, even though I temporarily lost faith in myself as a writer, an artist, my wife did not. She recently read the latest draft of the TAN novel, and urges me to finish it, as soon as possible, which is hugely encouraging. So I will press on and start looking for an agent. Lets hope the one I choose chooses me!
I’ve also been reading more, which is something i can’t believe I stopped doing (Last year I only read a book a month, this year I want to read at least 3 a month) and have joined Good Reads.
I’ve lost followers and credibility on Twitter as a “major voice,” but have found a solid group of superhero allies to be my friends through thick and thin. (That’s you, FYI.) The thoughts, prayers, good will and more tangible help have kept me going where I thought I could not go on my own. I’m learning that social media is no replacement for solid friends, even though I’ve never met most of my friends in person.
And even though I’ve lost my faith in universal, spiritual karma, I think human karma, the sense of paying it forward, of helping each other was bolstered this year more than ever. I’m continually humbled by your kindness and lent strength, even through my absurdist remarks on twitter. 2012 was the year of the dragon. 2013 looks to be the year of the Snake, which was also the sign of the year I was born.
So here’s hoping that 2013 is the year where things coil around me like an anacond- you know what? This metaphor isn’t quite working. Lets hope instead that this is the year of You. My friends, readers, allies, and critics. You’ve done so much for me, I can’t help but wonder what I can do for you. Don’t be shy about it either, contact me using the comments below, at my Facebook, or on Twitter. Ask me for help, and if I can give it, I will. I may ask you for help as well. So I hope you have a great new year.
Old friends and New friends
Marching through to New Year’s rise
hands clasped to the End.
Thank you so much for being with me through this rough time. I appreciate it.
can't stop the signal:
Mal, Jayne, Zoe, and Wash are walking across a dusty town square talking with a hapless hardware store owner when said store owner sees a screaming man run into the hardware store, yelling loudly.
Hapless hardware store owner turns to Mal, adjusting his glasses "Was he screaming about paint?"
Mal looks to Jayne, Zoe and Wash before he replies, "Latex, in fact. Interior, right Wash?"
Wash in his usual manner: "Oh yes, interior, because exterior latex paint is just so weird this time of year." Hapless shopkeeper nods and runs into the store saying, "I should go help him."
Zoe gives Mal and Wash THAT look, while Jayne cracks a knowing grin.
A minute later the hapless shopkeeper comes stumbling out of the hardware store holding his bloody nose, "He was screaming pain, you (Chinese curse words here) PAIN!"
"Oh," Mal replies calmly. "Pain."
Wash nods, "Latex pain seems a bit odd now that you put it that way."
This is what my brain dreams up for me while I am sleeping. I'm just happy Wash is present, honestly.
micro update
I started a new short story. I'd rant and say "fuck" because as of now I have two uncompleted novels and one complete, but this story is "Part of the Plan." I want to scream. I want to cry, to wrap myself in the rage and give into the boiling lightning inside my head. Instead I write.
I'm running out of time.
work in progress fragment
draft 1 from space novel:
“Warning: Beam weapon fired within one Astronomical Unit.” Odessa said, slightly less cheerful.
That would be the neutron cannons. Emi allowed herself a tight smile at how far his aim was off. The snobbish mining A.I. signaled that the drills were almost ready, just twelve more minutes. She groaned, because by her calculations she had seven more minutes before the pirate was in range to do real damage.
She dared not answer his first call, as that would give away her exact position and reveal to him that she was alone on the ship. If he thought she was part of a larger crew, that might come in handy if he were to board the ship.
She really wished Yuichi was with her. Or the Jericho Station Police Force.
On the long scan comm screen, the pirate's vessel began to eclipse the distant Atrellia Carelia primary star as it drew closer.
As it stood, with the ship's engines warmed up, she knew she wasn't going to make it out in time. Not by a long shot. She had no combat training, no weapons. But she sure as hell was not going to “sit tight and wait” for the bastard to arrive and do Gods-know-what with her and take her ship. She'd rather blow up the ship or be ejected out an airlock before giving up so easily.
She strapped herself into her pilot's chair, a strange calm overtaking her as the proximity sensor showed the approaching marauder drawing even closer.
Three minutes.
Her breathing became unsteady and her hands were shaking. She had a momentary flash of memory as she recalled the first day Yuichi took her up in his Gerkove jet and she had been so frightened and embarrassed by his teasing laughter. She hated that mocking laugh of his.
Screw this, she thought.
She slapped the engine-thruster power to FULL, and the Odessa Kiev roared to life, still attached to asteroid AGS-04571-PS via its twin petranium-polycarbon cables. The attitude thrusters shook the entire ship with a deep primal rumble.
The ship shot forward from the obscurity of the asteroid field into the open. Emi prepared to face her enemy. The huge asteroid trailing behind the ship caused alarms to sound.
Akiba /Chiyoda
wip fiction fragment
Laura Davis, Survivor.
Denver:
Ten minutes ago the President went off line for the last time. The City power's been out for weeks, we knew that when we set up the generators. Our bigger problem is the three basics, fuel, food, ammo. Guns we have, everyone has those. Maybe one in thirty people know how to safely use a gun. But only so much ammo.
Last week was the worst. Downtown's gone. Most of the useful parts of the City are, burned up by the FireBugs. But life's going to get real tough for them too. There's only so much drugs, and they tend to make themselves prey to the Eaters.
Most Eaters are not that smart, and if you take a second to think, you can usually use the environment against them. Basic physics knowledge helps. We're walking out of the City today, the fifty of us. No leader, no alpha males yet. Everyone with an ego, a chip on their shoulder, they went down in the beginning days, about the same time as the Frozen.
The fires are making our decision for us. We have to get away from the winds, cause the fires do a better job than the Eaters or other crazies at taking people out. Fires moved really fast. We have maybe a few hours. Me and Kara are moving out first, then the rest will follow a mile off the road. (I-25) In packs of ten. Rifle and ammo with every group, water carriers for all.
Lots of people drove on the road in the first days after, trying to get away. Some made it farther than others. No more gas stations though, so. The road is littered with cars, and further down, the bodies of the drivers. Somewhere out on that road is Joanna, and Deeg.
I've cried enough for them.
I retie my pack. Most of the stuff I got from the Mall south of here after looters took the most obvious stuff. It was an easy if harrowing trip, just take the elevated train line straight down, stay a hundred yards away from anything that moves bigger than a dog.
Socks, twenty pair of those. long sleeved shirts, pants. Extra boots, slightly big. Water bottles, boiling pot. Metal coffee thermos of rubbing alcohol. All the jerky I could find. Fire sparkers. Hand crank walkies. Bullets for the Beretta PX4. Bandages. Super glue packets, a roll of duct tape and scissors. 5 packs of needles and 4 spools white thread. Hand mirrors. Machetes, 3. Walking stick, which is really just a heavy, metal pipe from a chain link fence. That's all I have.
Realistically, I'm not going to make it farther than two hundred miles. But I'd rather die out there from sun sickness than be burned alive and eaten. Besides, rabbit looks to taste better than cat, anyway.
So, I'm leaving this note here. If things get back... if things ever become re-civilized, look for me near the dam where Vegas used to be.
Castle Rock:
Office Depot post Collapse seems like a fortress, but instead of soldiers and gated fences there are rows of boxes of copy paper and Xerox machines. Place is amazingly easy to fortify. Drove a van up parallel to the glass sliding doors, and the rest of the store is a big concrete box. No windows. Down from fifty to twelve. Some, like Sarah just dropped dead on the side of the road. Others, like Asher, well. Asher went down fighting. If there's any record of history anymore, put him on the heroes list.
The Eaters run so goddamn fast. Most of the gear I brought from Denver I lost on the run. Still have the guns and ammo, and a couple of the water carriers. I lost the pack. Two days ago, when the pack of those Eaters found us in the middle of the night.
Asher was like a movie star that night. Or something. Guy in his fifties, bald, lean and skinny and wrinkled, he was shooting the Eaters left and right, reloading the shotgun and yelling for us to get out of there. I was up on my feet gun in hand just running like an idiot. It took me a minute to realize I was just pounding ground like a scared rabbit, blind with panic. I went back.
People tend not to fly when they are shot like they do in movies. Asher told me why when we were walking along the section of Denver light rail towards Yale station. He said it was a dramatic effect, when people really get shot there isn't enough inertia, or maybe it was mass, to send them flying. He said that it would take getting him by something bigger, like a car, or a truck.
I trusted Asher's opinion on this, because he used to be a cop, and if he told me about how guns behaved don't you think I'd believe him?
There he was, standing his ground pumping round after round into Eaters coming into the camp. And he was right, too. Even with the shotgun firing flame spitting round after round, the Eaters just dropped, like sacks of potatoes. They didn’t fly back. They just piled up, knee high tangles of corpses. He would take a shot, take a step, aim, and recheck it if he had to, and fire. A calm, crazy rhythmical procedure. Almost like a dance, or a file clerk shelving files. Except the files were the Eaters, the endlessly mass of dead-but-still-moving, and the shelves were shotgun rounds. His last words were for me to get his daughter out of there. He went down fighting, but not screaming. With his little girl over my shoulder fireman carry style, I turned back just as they were clawing for him, tearing at his face. He knocked them back with the shotgun, dropped it, and filed himself with his service piece. One shot in the forehead, and Asher was gone.
I ran with little Keely on my shoulder, full of electric pain and jerky, shaky energy. She was lighter than Deeg had been, but even her weight became a pile of bricks on my arm and back after the first dozen blocks. I slowed to a jog after that, then when it became apparent the eaters weren’t after me, I left the road, took to the roof of a house nearby the highway. I set Keely down, and she just lay there, eyes wide, shivering. She looked at me, but I had no idea what she saw, or what she felt. She was Frozen.
But she was quiet, which was good, because about an hour after we made it to the roof large packs of Eaters filed past, a river of distended, bloated rotting flesh. They filed past the house at a slow pace, using the road, the lawn, some of them being shoved and smeared against the siding of the house. It didn’t seem to bother them, even though a few were tripped and trampled beneath the rest of the pack. I lost count after the first few hundred.
I remembered a bright sunny afternoon, almost two decades past, when my history teacher was covering the expansion of the Americans westward, across the plains. My history teacher talked about vast herds of buffalo, that would go on and on for days. That night, as I watched the dead file past, soundless except for the noises their movement made, I remembered that bright sunny afternoon, and I wanted to cry.
Instead, I just watched until I fell asleep. I slept badly, maybe an hour or two, tops. When I jerked awake and stifled my own scream, the sun was peaking up from the horizon out over the hills facing Kansas way. A few stragglers milled about in the streets below, and Keely had fallen asleep where I set her down. I shook her awake, and she came too fast. She wasn’t Frozen anymore, but her eyes had that same glassy “Can’t Be Happening” stare. She ate the sandwich I handed her, drank from the water can, and perched on the corner of the roof to void herself, while I stood on the opposite corner, keeping watch. When the stragglers gave us a half block of empty space I scrambled down the side, using the brick chimney to help me down.
The Eaters turned when my feet crunched into the leaves on the ground, and my knife was out before I had gone three steps towards them. Three Eaters, all of them bigger than me, but all of them Eater-dumb. Knife to the eyes, and two minutes later the Eaters were just Rotters, like they were supposed to be the first time. My heart was hammering in my head and chest, but the whole thing had been quiet and the outcome certain. I finished them off, and Keely was walking across the driveway when I looked up.
She had tear stains down her dusty cheeks, but other than that, her look was less like a ten year old and more like a doll made to look like a human. Beautifully real, but empty.
I gestured with my hand. “Come on,” the gesture said.
She nodded and we made our way back to the interstate.
Note to self:
Mari’s newly revised rules for her communication with others:
1. Presume positive intent on behalf of others until they prove otherwise
2. Always try to say exactly what you mean.
3. Assume everyone else is always smarter than you until they prove otherwise beyond any reasonable doubt. When they say something that confuses you, ask for clarification. Nine times out of ten it’s a simple misunderstanding.
4. When conflict occurs, while presuming positive intent, own up your own mistakes and apologize for them promptly.
5 When conflict occurs do your best to solve it with the other parties, working together fairly and maintain awareness of their points and concerns, without betraying core principles.
6. If while presuming positive intent communication degrades, or other individual clearly does not have positive intent any longer, disengage all communication as soon as possible. Avoid trying to “prove them wrong, getting in the last word, or emotional responses” (Note that if the communication medium is text based, standard body language cues will be absent; see third point. )
7. When interpersonal communications fail & all further attempts to clarify only worsen things, following the “do no (further) harm” principle, complete cessation is recommended.
WiP
"The security grids’ cutter programs looked like bright white liquid wasps made of swirling light. They danced along the grid, clinging to the dark walls, clambering over each other in silent motion.
One twin went first, opening up a flooding wave of infosplatter attacks, while pushing the modified Hydra virus she used against the original hacker towards the cutter programs. The Hydra crashed into the grid, like streamers of blue green fire, melting any cutter wasps it touched.
The grid fought back, launching synproxy gel at the Hydra heads. The gel attacked the Hydra quickly, like a fast acting glue slowing it down as the synproxy sought to verify the identity of each attacking head as a legitimate port request. One duplicate wrote a fake acknowledgement number code and flung it into the synproxy gel. The fake verification number code bonded instantly with the gel and dissipated the synproxy attack like nail polish remover dissolving rubber cement."
TAN Project
Summer update:
work on the TAN project proceeds apace with some slight road bumps along the way. It’s threatening to spin off into a sequel, but I refuse to let that happen. That character’s story can wait for her own book, dammit.
I hope to have the rough draft completed before the end of summer. Normally I’d have it wrapped in two weeks but my health is taking a toll, and toddler watching takes up what’s left over.
I’ve posted this week that said week was one of the most stressful of my life in the last decade and that’s said entirely without hyperbole, even without the fears and worries of my mother’s impending life threatening surgery (to save her life, but it’s a 50/50 thing.)
But there are a few other things going on behind the scenes in my life right now that I cannot get into here that certainly add to the mix. What I can say is that I might have to officially stop the illustration business here soon. I wonder if subway is hiring sandwich mascots?
I really do appreciate the messages of support here, on Twitter, and Facebook from you guys. You keep me going when the trolls might otherwise get me down. Thanks for that, and if you know anyone who needs a logo, a portrait, or a book cover illustration, please send them my way or let me know. I’d be grateful for that.
See you, Space Cowboy.
Sing it loud
This video is amazing:
more self quote
This may be the most important thing I've ever said
though I do feel a bit dumb quoting myself here
oversharing?
In good news: toddler is healthier and sleeping throughout the night (Vicks Baby Rub FTW.) Mom's headaches seem to have lessened to the point where she can at least do things without blinding pain while we wait to talk to a neurosurgeon, the TAN book editor says "it's an engaging story and I'm off to a marvelous start." It took me three days of conditioning to realize he didn't hate the thing and that it wasn't entirely crap.
Where do I find Japanese news in English?
My hobby as a newsjunkie is to tweet news that I find interesting, or that I'm reading. These are the sources I use to tweet Japanese news of the day in English
Asahi ( The good site is unfortunately paywalled after 5 articles, but it's the AJW )
Sometimes The Denki Shimbun
Subculture stuff from Japan Subculture Research Center. ( Disclosure, Jake Adelstein is a frequent client of mine,)
Anime stuff from Crunchyroll News, Danny Choo and Anime News Network
I'll occasionally add more to this list as I remember them.
Book Cover Ideas
how does a social recluse market her book in this day and age?
Forewarning: This blog is not a how to marketing post with clever answers hidden behind a wittty blog title hook, but rather the musings of one reclusive author seeking the answer...
how does a social recluse market her book in this day and age?
And by recluse I mean hikikomori level shut in. Is it possible to be a remotely successful author if the idea of stepping foot outside the home, attending a book signing/reading event sends you into dread filled bouts of absolute terror? (no hyperbole here) I’m guessing the answer is “Possibly, but not likely.”
Even authors who have landed an agent and publishing contract are expected to do a lot of legwork marketing their novels. This includes of course being into social media, willing to do interviews/ (sometimes TV/Vlog appearances) and of course a willingness to do tours of events like book signings or appropriate author friendly conventions
I need a body double for book signings and readings. My inability to deal with people in public for more than 4.25 minutes (average) hits a fever pitch every time I have to do it, and the physical dread feels like suffocation.
So please let’s not just suggest “Get over it and do tours” because believe you me you are not covering new ground, and that particular mindsoil has been well tread by me and my therapist who I see to deal with this very issue. It’s getting better, but I am in no way able to talk to people for an length of time in person, the dread/shame/fear/hate mixture is just too strong. I hate it. I hate talking about it, because it will give my haters (both of you) something else to insult me about, but it’s a reality I have to face.
And given the confines of that reality, I wonder how I can ever become a successful writer. I think Masamune Shirow’s success is a once in a life-time event. Not to forget that he’s my recluse hero, though!
Sorry for this blog being such a downer. If you want to go read something funny, please feel free.
I just hope one day people say "Mari Kurisato is the god of recluse book marketing!" We’ll see.
life/TAN update.
The Tokyo Area Novel ( TAN) is churning along towards the end, but it’s a precarious time for me right now. Still battling bronchitis. Have an appointment to see my Dr in late May. (Medicaid is still better than nothing, though) Also I am watching the toddler 10-16 hours a day 5-6 days a week while my spouse juggles her full time job and four college classes and their associated workload. She’s rushing it like mad because we’re not sure if she’ll have the same financial aid grant next year. It’s hard on her being the primary income provider for a house of three while my mom is away visiting family in Europe. Money stress is really taking a toll on the partner, and even though I get the occasional art commission here and there it’s nowhere near enough for her to rest. Having the baby boy smiling cheers us both up.
He’s doing fine by the way. Climbing and destroying stuff, learning how the world works by dismantling it. Precocious kid for 19 months.
Still work on the novel gets done. 71,000 words and counting, and at least 4 different cover designs, 3 by me. ( I commissioned one, but decided not to use it, though I did pay the artist for her work. Duh, hint hint.) I’ve also been designing the ebook file (harder than I’d have thought,) and the print book file as well, and found out some interesting numbers.
Createspace is Amazon’s DIY book publishing website, offering print copies of your books to sell on yourwebsite, through Amazon.com and other retailers, online and off (for an upgrade fee of $25.)
Based on word count and the design of a paperback book, I’d make $0.02 for every book sold at Amazon’s retail price of $4. No, I did not mean to type $2. It’s actually just $0.02. Which means if I was selling solely printed books I’d need to sell 100,000 a month just to pay bills. Obviously no self published noncelebrity author can expect that much out of the gate, but that’s still a significant hurdle to pricing paperbacks affordably. LuLu.com is no better. Just ordering a galley copy for proofreading would cost me $14 with shipping. And that’s no royalties whatsoever.
I want to make a print copy of the book available, but at this point if I self publish e-books look to be the best way to sell the work and make more than an opinion’s worth on every copy sold. Thinking about Smashwords iBooks, Amazon, and even my own website. Not sure yet, and to be honest I don’t even have the full 1st draft of TAN finished.
The other option of course is to overdrive-polish the hell out of my work using a third party (editor) and then pitch it to an agent and see where that goes. I have an agent in mind, but I also know the odds there.
Thoughts?
Writing work in Progress
Captain Yamada’s X-61 aircraft dropped from formation and dove towards the sea, spiraling in hard G corkscrews. Yumiko followed him, matching the barrel rolls turn for turn, feeling the familiar clench and hollow drop in her stomach and chest as the plane whipped over and over from the right wing. The cobalt blue sea was seven meters below them as she followed Yamada’s twisting trail over the city’s docks and into the dockyards. Cranes and freight containers loomed before them, and then they were in the maze of high rise buildings and elevated expressways. Brightly painted railcars blurred past them as Captain Yamada performed a chandelle, a hard climb turning one hundred eighty degrees. Wings were meters away from concrete and glass building facades. Advanced Urban Flight Maneuvers lived up to its name, Yumiko thought. Any deviated flight here wouldn’t just cost you points, it could also get you killed.
As she followed him into the empty high rise buildings of the “financial” district Captain Yamada dropped his plane to just a few meters above the street lamps. Windows on either side of the street shattered in his wake, and Yumiko closed the distance to avoid losing him in the spray of glass. He dove for a pedestrian over bridge and inverted at the last second as he swooped below the bridge. Yumiko cursed and snapped her hands in position, mimicking the maneuver. The aircraft shuddered as it raced through the gap, the augmented screen display red with warnings. She didn’t have time to pray.
Goodbye 2011!
A hard year for many of us, for various reasons, including the Great East Japan Earthquake and Tsunami of the Tohoku region, and the resulting nuclear disaster at Fukushima Daiichi plant.
Personally I’m still struggling with a hard year of illness after illness (seriously, I was sick for some 34 weeks this year) financial woes (thanks to all of you who helped me stave off eviction again and again this year, domo arigatou!) and family troubles including baby illnesses and spousal worries. Times ahead are guaranteed to be tough, but I know that with the help of friends and family, we can pull through. Thanks again, to all the well wishers and the donors/patrons of my art. You folks made a tangible difference in my life, and I can’t properly express the gratitude I feel.
Progress reports:
Baby is still sick with viral thing, but can eat now, and as cheerful as ever.
Spouse and I are struggling in our relationship with each other, which is not helped by my constant illness. But we’re talking, which is a good start.
I apparently, still have pneumonia. It lurks behind the scenes, just waiting for me to push myself (by taking out the trash, or doing the dishes, for example) to pounce on me and start a huge day stopping coughing fit. New meds keep it at bay, but I’d rather it just go away. On a related note, I’m sick of hospitals.
Finances wise, I have some work trickling in, and a piece of mine was recently displayed in The Atlantic Wire for the lovely Jake Adelstein. so that’s a plus. As always, I’m open to illustration commissions, whether they be portraits, editorial, or commercial works.
The novel proceeds a pace, bouts of pneumonia notwithstanding.
I wanted to close by again expressing my thanks to everyone whose read, sent well wishes, donated, or purchased art. It’s really helpful, and I hope the New Year finds you happy, HEALTHY and prosperous in your own way.
See you next year!